All relationships have their ups and downs. And it’s easy to see how your mate is at fault for the problems. But, are you sabotaging your relationship without even realizing it?
The most successful relationships become that way because both partners consistently make the effort to make their relationship work.
Then, other couples who appear to be in model relationships seem to choose to sabotage instead of harmony.
The only way to know if you are sabotaging your relationship, is to take a hard look at your behavior – not theirs.
Start by thinking about your childhood. It’s important to begin here because how you deal with difficulties today is often the reflection of how you were treated as a child. What childhood issues and pain could be behind your behaviors that are damaging your relationship today?
Maybe you struggle with fully trusting your mate. It’s possible you could trace your trust issues to your parents’ lack of emotional presence in your life.
By recognizing things like this, you’ll gain the necessary control that allows you to monitor which behaviors trigger your negative reactions to your partner. Then you can prevent yourself from undermining your relationship.
Another way you might be hurting your relationship is by how you talk to yourself.
Many psychologists refer to the “critical inner voice” as the enemy of healthy relationships. When your critical inner voice is at work, one of the things it can do is reinforce your lack of self-esteem. Low self-esteem can prevent you from believing that you deserve a good relationship.
This belief then activates negative perceptions of your partner. Viewing your partner through negativity makes it easy to blame your mate for all the problems in your relationship. This could even include waning feelings of love for him/her because of your fault finding.
The third way you might be sabotaging your relationship is by being too comfortable.
When you first entered the relationship, you did everything you could to make it work out because you were in love. You loved spending time together.
Back then it easy to communicate about just about anything. In fact, you were probably so in tune with each other that at times it seemed as if you could read each other’s mind.
And this easiness allowed you to become comfortable – maybe way too comfortable – with your relationship.
Perhaps you’ve relaxed into the “fact” that your partner knows you so well. You may have relaxed to the point where you are no longer communicating regularly with her/him about what’s important to you. Maybe you’ve also stopped asking about what s/he finds important.
Another way you may be taking your relationship for granted is by not spending enough quality time together. Making the time to regularly focus on each other is critical to a successful relationship. If you’re not doing this, you are without a doubt damaging your relationship.
If you now recognize that you are sabotaging your relationship by one or more of these behaviors, you’re on your way to resolving the issues. It’s only by recognizing your part that you can start taking responsibility for fixing your part.
Fixing your part will take effort. And it won’t guarantee that your mate will fix their part.
However, now that you know how you can improve things, you can choose to do your part to make sure your relationship has more ups than downs.
If you’d like personalized support as you as you more fully consider the question “Are you sabotaging your relationship?”, reach out to me. I’m here to serve you.